Day 8 - To Raft or Not To Raft...That Is The Question

After a long uninterrupted sleep, by uninterrupted I mean, a pack of wolves didn't try to savage me or a thousand mosquitoes didn't bite the legs off me, I woke, fairly refreshed.  I was really looking forward to getting onto a raft and floating back to civilisation.

It was the last day of the trek and I am not going to lie, I couldn't wait to get back to a soft hotel bed and sleep..I wanted to soak in a long bath and get locked drunk and put on clean socks and jocks and watch a crappy comedy on the hotels overpriced film list while sitting in a pool of left over take out boxes.

I still wasn't eating all that much, so when the guide handed me a piece of stale bread that was mouldy...and I mean mouldy...It was not far off that blue furry creature in Monsters Inc...I half expected it to talk to me, I just sighed and said I was grand.  I mean how can they serve this crap to people. I had to keep telling myself that this is my fault.  I paid to come on this "life changing experience"...well I defo got my monies worth, it was defo one of the most life changing experiences I had ever had.

I went back to my hut and packed my bag, put on my plastic shoes and walked straight to where we were supposed to be setting off.  When I got there one of the river guides was there speaking to another local in Thai..there was much pointing and throwing of leaves into the river.  I knew what was coming.

My pal ran down...."The river is too wild..we have to walk".. I didn't even look at her, I just asked "how far is the walk".."Six hours......Are you OK?" she asked.   "Grand" I said.."Not a Bother"...In my head I was just saying...OK 6 hours...I can do this..then we never have to do this again...

I felt real sorry for the German, who at every step cried a little bit more.  He was starting to slack off but I was arsed if I was going to hang out with him if his girlfriend couldn't be bothered...she was off with the English chap.  We stopped half way for some refreshments..a young Thai kid gave me a stick of vanilla...or sugar or something..it was so sweet..It was delicious, I sucked on it for ages, giving the little kid a bracelet I had on.  It was a fair trade.  The poor German dude only got about 5 minutes rest by the time he limped to the group.  I felt so bad for him.

After an eight and a half hour trek we arrived at this mountain restaurant.  It was an actual restaurant. It even had beer.  We were delighted. No body mentioned that it was supposed to be a six hour walk and not eight and a half.  The German was in agony.  He and his girlfriend had a massive row.  There was all kinds of language used..I wasn't sure what it was they were saying but I knew it wasn't good.

The gammy little truck arrived at the restaurant and we all sang songs and counted our bites on the journey down to the city.  I counted 32 on one leg....no lies....32 and some of them looked like saucers.  The German cried occasionally on the bus back and when he wasn't crying he was staring at his leg.  I was terrified for him, it was all swollen and red.

When we pulled in at the pick up point there was a huge cheer..We all promised to stay in touch and went our separate ways, knowing that we would never stay in touch.  We walked the short journey back to the hotel all laughs and smiles.  Already we were laughing about the landslide and me walking barefoot through the mountains.  When we reached our hotel room I ran to the bathroom and ran the shower.  I didn't even undress.  I stepped straight into it and watched the filth of the mountain run from my clothes and body.

I called my pal to look at the muck and dirt in the bath tray...we were laughing again.  That night we ordered a heap of beer to the room, had mountains of food ordered...I still couldn't eat but I tried a little.  I think I ordered it because I could.  I was starting to worry about the fact that my stomach still felt closed.  We put on a film...couldn't tell you what it was now and fell asleep on a soft fluffy pillow only waking when I realised I had spilled the beer I had in my hand all over me.  I drifted off again and was out for the count.

Day 4 Late for a flight a a plane with 10 seats!

After the previous nights antics and late arrival home it felt like i had been asleep for about five minutes before I heard the phone ring... It was in fact 45 minutes.

I looked at my watch and realized it was 3am.... What the f@&k is going on, I thought!

'hello' - I answer
'good moning ms, this is reception, your car to airport is ready'
'excuse me'
'you transfer to airport is here'
'but that's not till 4 this afternoon'
'no ms, I sorry, it 4am'
'ok I'll be down soon' I tut at the phone and slam it down before I had a chance to start winging about it!

I jump up and start shoving all our crap into the bags muttering Jesus and Shite a lot!! We throw ourselves through the doors of the lift willing them to move faster, my pal knows better than to even talk to me right now, shes staring at the buttons on the wall and willing each little light to bing a little quicker...down to the lobby and we look like two crazy drunks as we run to the car, throwing the express checkout form at the woman!

When we get Into the car myself and my pal argue about who didn't check the times and we were oblivious to the passing Tuk Tuks and people that had so interested us on our earlier journey into Bangkok! I seriously couldn't be leaving the place quick enough but thought it might be on my terms...

We arrive at the airport and run to check in! Force our way through security and beat our way to the gate! All the while looking like two scruffy half dressed lunatics out for a day trip!

When we get to the gate we run out he doors straight onto the tarmac, the heat and smell hits me in the face! I stand there looking out at what appeared to be our plane but it couldn't have been, it was tiny and had a propeller and looked like it had been in use since the time of the wright brothers! It was like a VW bus with two headboards attached to the sides! I knew I could see duct tape hanging out of something....but I wasn't sure what!!

Awe bollox, I thought we were going to be on a real plane! We are defo going to die on this yolk...I knew things were bad when they seated us according to weight! There were fearful glances being passed between everyone and I quickly asked my pal 'how long Is this flight' - 'only a couple of hours' she said! Ever the optimist....

When we were about to take off everyone had their eyes glued to window trying to see if there was someone starting the propeller by hand and as it bounced its way up the runway people started to hold hands and I'm convinced I heard someone praying in the seat in front Of me....But up we climbed and we were soon soaring through the clouds!

About ten seconds into the flight we were all nauseous! The bumping began and the plane was all over the place, going side to side, up and down and left to right!! It was bad ..... It continued for the entire flight, without food or drink service and then landed with another bump causing half the passengers to cry with relief and the other half to vomit on each other..... I was one of the criers!

When we got off the plane and collected our bags we were taken by another town car to our hotel! It was fabulous... It was all gold and shiny.... It was like a budda palace! We dumped the bags and went out to get some lunch! Chaing Mai was much smaller than Bangkok, the people were nice and there were some really cute little stores! The night life (or day) was similar but not as in your face! We spent the afternoon wandering around and went back to the hotel to have a quick sleep and shower before our induction meeting that was arranged for 9pm that evening in preparation for our trek!!

We hopped into bed about 5 pm hoping to awake at 8.30 pm to meet the trek guide and discuss the trip! You can imagine our surprise when we woke and found it was 2.30am....... F@&k we did it again.... But seriously, how important is an induction I asked!!! It can't be too important can it????