I'm going to paint you a picture. I'm standing in one of Ireland's leading grocery stores trying to decide which que I am going to join. I have a choice of three. I am standing there like a muppet with my three items...one...a baby leaf salad box....two....some fresh fish to steam and three....a large Cornetto, who am I kidding I just love ice-cream.
At one till there is an old lady, I'm sure she is a lovely woman but am I about to join her que, I think not. The chances are she will take an hour taking all her groceries out of her trolley, placing them meticulously in her bags each different food group placed with another specific equally as nutritious food group. Then spend another twenty minutes searching through her handy carry all for her oversized purse where she will no doubt spend at least five minutes counting out change in one and two cent pieces.
At till two there are two families one woman with about two items but seems to be struggling with what can only be described as Satan's Evil Spawn. The child is about four but seems to have difficulty with walking as he is hanging out of his mothers belt trying to climb up her like a tree, like a scene from of Avatar. The other is a family of three who are very obedient but their mother is on the phone and hasn't even contemplated emptying her trolley.
I take my chances with aisle three, on observation there are two singletons before me, each with about three to four items. They have their items on the twirly thing at the till and look ready to go. Or at least I thought they were.
The first, a female with a salad bowl which contained some form of bean or seed, a large bottle of sparkling water and the latest copy of 'Hello' magazine is standing at the till area facing the teller with a crisp twenty in her hand, good start. I'm eyeing the teller like she isn't moving fast enough, in my head I'm thinking, move woman move.
The teller takes the first item, beep, the second, beep, the third, beep.... marvellous, money exchanges hands and along moves the second customer, a male. I take a quick glance around the other tills, the old ladies purchases are passing along nicely, she's nearly there, the woman with 'lil demon child' has moved on and the lady on the phone with the three kids has the kids emptying her trolley....this is great I'm still in the lead.
I look back to my till where the guy in front of me is ready to go with his card out....pasta...beeep, large carton of soup......beep, a dozen eggs....beep and some form of male anti-perspirant....beep... music to my ears. I begin to wonder what the anti-perspiration spray smells like. He hands her his card and she sticks it into the machine thing...
This is where it all goes wrong....she fiddles with the card, then the screen, then slides the card in and out of the little pin reader thing...'sorry' she say's to the guy very insincerely, fiddles with it again and thank god says 'great, can you enter your pin please' the guy enters his pin. I glance around, the old lady has just about finished her packing and is already out with the oversized purse.
While observing her I hear 'oh sorry can you enter that again' he does and thank God it goes through. He picks up his items and moves on...thank Jesus I think to myself. The old lady is leaving with her big trolley load of goods. That's ok..I still have the eager kids and the mom on the phone..
My items are scanning, beep, beep, beep, I look in my wallet, shit, no cash, I tut to myself...out loud might I add and then hand her the card...frowning.... she fiddles with the card....in, out, in out, she takes a look at the chip...'its fine' I add.... the kids in the next aisle are packing and mom is paying for her food in cash...
Awe Jesus, I'm loosing....then I have to correct myself and tell myself that I am not in a race...the teller is now holding my card in the reader and tells me to 'carefully enter my pin' I tut again...I am carrying on disgraceful..I enter it...the reader is doing it's thing...there's probably no money in it after all this...it goes through...thank God...I sigh relief.
I pack my goods into my handbag, thank the teller and turn to see the woman with the kids all following behind holding her bags... Moral of the story is not to try and find the fastest que.. It's pop out a couple of kids and let them handle all the stress while you spend a good ten minutes on the phone...
I leave the store very disappointed in myself as I realise I don't know why I was rushing I have absolutely nothing planned for this evening. Yes I am a muppet!!