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Monday, 23 November 2015

Big Guys, Skinny Girls and All Else In Between

Just to fill you guys in... I'm two weeks in on my transformation challenge. I'm down half a stone and boy have I worked for those seven pounds! I've pounded the treadmill, yanked the shite out of the rower and lifted my body weight with my legs, arms and butt!

Now I could blog about the food I'm NOT eating and the alcohol I'm NOT drinking but I can't. This is because I am eating and I am drinking, I'm just making changes to what I'm eating and drinking! I shall blog about the food at a later date but right now I want to blog about the gym! 

Having spent a lot of time lately at gym I started noticing (once I'd gotten used to getting the sweat out of my eyes) quite a bit of what goes on there. 

When I started a couple of weeks ago I would spend my time looking at the floor, or the walls, anywhere that didn't involve me making eye contact with anyone who had a better body than I.

As the days passed I got more comfortable in the gym and started to glance around paying passing attention to others in the same boat. Not everyone there is a total fitness freak. There are many different types of people! 

There's the guys lifting the massive weights who all seem to have tiny legs. They spend their hours lifting heavy weights a couple of times before staring at themselves in the mirror and then staring around the gym to check out who's staring at them. It's quite entertaining. 

Then you have the women with the tiny waists who wear a bra top and short leggings. These fine ladies spend five minutes flitting between several machines, never really accomplishing much. Obviously I'm terribly jealous of these woman who manage to do nothing only flirt with the men with skinny legs and still look so fit!

I would like to commend the extremely fit older women. They are obviously very strong determined ladies who put in a lot of effort to keep themselves ship shape.  This can be seen in their toned limbs and positive spirit! I like these ladies a lot.

Then you've got the group I fit into. The podgie sweat balls who are puffing and panting but clearly trying really hard to shift the pounds and tone the flab. We all greet each other with a sly smile or a nod.  We will trod along beside the other on the machine before ever attempting to get on the treadmill beside the guy who looks like Linford Christy. 

We just want to get the job done and the session over with. There's no looking at ourselves in mirrors or flexing our puny muscles while trying to get the attention of the other podgies... We just want to train and leave. 

Last but not Least are the golden oldies... I love this group, they love the chats in the dressing room and if you're on a machine beside them they always and I mean always smile and tell you about what they are going to do after the gym - actually I take that back, there was one angry granny who told me I was to young to be stiff. She didn't smile either 😬

I don't claim to be anything more than an overweight person trying to loose weight. I don't mean to slag off the skinny leg guys or the skinny chicks with the high metabolism, clearly I'm just jealous that I can't pounce around with my baps out for all to see.

Now I'm sure you guys are sick and tired of me going on so I'll let you go and see how many of the above you can spot at your gym!


Friday, 13 November 2015

What A Cabbage: Weightloss, A Photoshoot and A Bloody Ear

What A Cabbage: Weightloss, A Photoshoot and A Bloody Ear: For those of you know me, you know I have struggled with my weight since my early 20’s when I was involved in an incident that left me on s...

Weightloss, A Photoshoot and A Bloody Ear

For those of you know me, you know I have struggled with my weight since my early 20’s when I was involved in an incident that left me on steroids for months.  I piled on the weight and never lost it.  My weight has since gone up and down like an escalator on a power surge.

Well, I am currently the heaviest I have ever been and while my friends and family tell me you’re not exactly fat, I know they are lying through their teeth.


Now not one to publicly embarrass myself I was recently approached to take part in a weight management program.  This would cost me nothing, but there was a catch.  I would have to have an article written about me in a Sunday Newspaper in January.  That’s not the worst news… There would be a BEFORE and after photo.  This terrified me. 

The thoughts of standing there, having my baps out, in a pair of knicker shorts, while the photographer made every possible attempt to make me look worse than in bits, was the most frightening thing to think about but my partner said “bub, this is exactly the motivation you need, you’ll do great”.  I said “Awe F@%k it, I’ll do it.

So I made an appointment with the lovely Karen Prendergast of Transform4Life and off I went, not knowing what to expect.  I met Karen and she made me feel totally at home.  When I arrived, the table was laid out with a heap of healthy eating options and I couldn’t help but notice the dreaded scales in the corner but I just ignored that.  I was soon totally at ease and after a two hour conversation about food, habits and triggers I went on my way with my eating plan and a 24 hour number to contact Karen if I needed to.  I was feeling positive and enthused. 

Then came the dreaded photo shoot.  I arrived early at Evan Doherty’s studio in Georges Street.  I was clearly a nervous wreck but had in my possession a little paper bag which contained the outfit that I wanted to wear for this shoot. 

When I met the guys I was totally at ease, they were handsome, fun and I would have loved to share a beer with them…but then I remembered, I was there to have someone photograph me, FAT.  I asked could I use the loo, I bypassed the changing room and tried to change in the toilet.  The room wasn’t small, but with the nerves I managed to drop my shoe into the toilet and then when I went to retrieve it, dropped the top of the vest that I was to wear, in on top of the toilet duck covered shoe.

After I left the bathroom, smelling of toilet water and dripping with sweat (from the nerves) I went out to the guys who had the lights and stuff in place.  As I tried to suck in my belly and keep my arms out, Evan kept making me laugh which put me totally at ease.  Now I was no Cindy Crawford but I relaxed enough for him to get a photo which I’m sure he felt got my fatness across.

After that it was off to the gym for my training plan.  Fear set in again as I hadn’t been anywhere near the gym since before the cycle for Console during the summer.  I went in, got changed and decided that I would use the facilities.  I went in with my music, earphones, towel and €2 for my bottle of water.  I entered and locked the door, dropped my phone, went to retrieve it, came back up, bashed my ear off the toilet roll holder and then dropped everything.

As I gathered my belongings and left the loo, I entered the dressing room to find an alcohol swab.  On doing so I ran into the personal training guy who looked at me as blood  poured down my neck (well it was more of a trickle but poured is more dramatic).  After a good five minutes of searching for a swab, one aged one, was handed to me and off I went, concussed, to complete my training.

With the first week nearly over and the impending first weigh in looming, I am feeling positive.  I haven’t been drinking, eating crap or buying shite.  I’ve been cooking in work and planning my meals.  I’ve been quite busy so the week has flown.  I have to be down pounds, this weeks lifestyle changes were huge, but manageable.  I know I have gone on a bit but this is my first post about this, I promise it will be shorter.  I hope you will follow my progress and if you see me with a donut in hand, a swift kick to the swollen ear should sort me out.

I shall update you following my weigh in, feel free to share if you dare.