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Friday, 6 February 2015

Being Aware of Your Own Stupitidy

This week has not been kind to me.. I haven’t done anything recently that has been deserving of a blog but after the goings on of this week I decided to share.  Monday started off grand…I had a creak in my neck from falling asleep sitting up but that was usual and doesn’t really deserve a comment. 

But then Tuesday came and the shit hit the fan.  I woke up and my car was like a small igloo. So after spending several minutes waiting for the engine to heat up and defrost the window I decided to pour some hot water over it… Now that was fine because I used luke warm water just tepid enough not to smash the window, I’m smart that way. 

After getting rid of the ice on the front and moving around the back I realised that the front was iced back up.  So with a frown I ran inside again and filled up the water and ran back out and decided if I turned on the window wipers and through the water on it there wouldn’t be enough water on the screen to ice back up so I ran around turned on the wipers and swung the jug of water in the direction of the front window…what a dipso…as the water flew through the air I watched in slow motion as the wipers flew in my direction.  The water hit the window at speed and then the wiper flung all the water straight onto my face and clothes.  I was not happy and my makeup was now falling off my face.  The window was half defrosted.

As I made my way down the M50 in horrendous traffic, driving at about 25k an hour, I couldn’t understand why my car was freezing when the thermostat was reading ‘STOP YOUR F’ING CAR’ but I gave the two fingers to the thermostat and made it to my place of work resembling that little snowman from Frozen.

I decided that as I was totally not qualified to check under the bonnet of my car that this would be a wonderful idea and popped the hood.  Steam was pouring out of the radiator.  Now my mother (God Rest Her Soul) always used to say “let a little air on it and it will be fine” I shouldn’t have taken her words of wisdom quite so literally when it comes to car engines.  I think she meant scabs and sores. But sure there I was unscrewing the radiator cap when next thing I know I am covered head to toe in water and my radiator resembles the Niagara Falls as water was spewing up like and upside down waterfall.  I stood in shock as my boss looked on in shock and several little faces peered out to see what the bang was.  I think it was at this moment that I realised I was an ‘absolute tool’.

After the shock of the explosion passed I noticed that my hand was a weird colour.  It didn’t feel any different but the skin was kind of wrinkled and it was blistering like a full pack of Nurofen Plus.  After much deliberation it was decided I would attend a clinic to have it dressed.  Turns out that it was a good idea as the burn was quite bad.  I was sent on my way with much sympathy from the nurse and told to return two days later to have it re-dressed.

So I assumed that the car was grand and was only overheating because it was so frozen that morning and left for home.  After travelling about two miles I looked and saw the thermostat was at ‘STOP YOUR F’ING CAR’ again and decided it was probably best to heed its warning this time and pulled over on the motorway.  I popped the hood again and for about half a second thought about opening the cap of scaldy steam again but then glanced with self-pity at my bandaged paw and thought otherwise.

I decided it was best to ring every mechanic I had a number for.  When one eventually answered he told me to drive a bit and stop and let the car cool, then drive and stop and so on otherwise I could blow a gasket.  I did so and it took me over two hours to get to the mechanics.  I got there and realised that I actually pay for road side assistance but obviously am too stupid to avail of this service.  I walked through my door, cold and sore and tired and was greeted by my two dogs.  One loving, gently waggy tailed angel and the other ….. the spawn of the devil.  My pup had decided I would love to return home to a fluff filled kitchen.  I looked around and wondered what kind of a cushion could have been destroyed this time when the shock of it struck me… The little fecker had eaten the couch.  My heart sunk.  I started to clean up the mess totally disheartened.

I won’t bore you with the next day only say that the bandage fell off as did the skin that was attached to it and I was bandaged up again and told to return to see how the new blisters were doing the next day. 

Then came Thursday.. With a new found love of life I came into work chipper and in flying form.  I went back to the clinic who said my wound was healing nicely and then it happened.  I was out in the yard in work, minding my own business when a hole appeared out of nowhere.  I of course didn’t see said hole and twisted my ankle falling to my knees and smashing my face off of something that did not resemble a soft fluffy pillow.  Looking around to see if anyone had seen my totally embarrassing fall I was in the clear… I chuckled with was a narrow escape.  As I walked towards the rear of the building I could feel something warm pouring down my chin, as I looked down I saw a stream of blood.  I was totally confused and walked back in to try and wash the wound..  It was off to the hospital then where I was told… It would need a stitch..

The staff at James Connolly Memorial Hospital in Blanchardstown are the most patient, friendly, gentle hospital staff.  As I sat awaiting my three stiches I heard a huge amount of abuse thrown at staff and they just retaliated with smiles and sympathy.   All in all I just want to give them a shout out.  They are total heroes.   The nurses who listen to every sick patient and their family members.  The doctors who stitch you back together and the floor staff and carers who do more than the average Joe pays attention to.  As I watched the guy from Derrycourt mop up and down the floor, changing the mop head every five minutes I realised that while people must walk by him paying him no nevermind he is part of a very important crew, his job was to mop, and mop and mop and he got very few 'hello's' or 'how you doing's' or 'thank you's'.  I gave a big thanks and goodbye to everyone I passed, but I'm sure with my swollen lip they couldn't understand me.  Hats off to all at James Connolly Memorial, you are the bomb.

To finish my first blog of 2015 and first in a very long time I would like to say, if you made it this far…thanks for reading and have a safe 2015!