It's been a while, but COVID_19 drove me to it

Well hello everyone, long time no blog.  After a couple of requests from people in multiple WhatsApp groups I decided to regale you of my tales of cabbagyness.  The last time I gave you some mild entertainment I was packing for the first leg of the Camino, that was May 2018.  I did blog about that but with the Four4theRoad gang and it was so good (the Camino not the blog) that we decided to do it again.  So last October we booked our flights and arranged to do the second leg of it.  Covid 19 well and truly screwed that up for us and all plans were dismantled.  Which leaves us here.  Trapped in our homes with nothing to do but think, scratch and worry about running out of toilet roll.

A lot has happened in two years, I said goodbye to my overies, we lost some people and have made some new friends, a couple of whom are as cabbagy or if not more than I, ohhh and I took up tattooing and have had the pleasure of scarring some of my friends for life, that is fun.

Someone recently asked me to do a funny blog about Covid_19.  I have thought about it very hard and simply cannot think of one thing that's funny about the Covid.  I considered writing about the simpletons who went out and emptied the shelves of toilet roll but didn't want to give them any blog time.   Then I plotted against the muppets who left their homes on Sunday when Leo made the announcement about the lockdown that wasn't really a lockdown to empty the shelves of everything else, leaving those most vulnerable without, but I didn't want to give them any blog time either.   I pondered on those absolute dimwitdumbpinheads who create hysteria by sharing fake news and scaremongering the public, but they didn't deserve anyones time either.

So it left me thinking about not writing a funny blog but a positive one. About giving thanks and being grateful.

I want to give thanks to the many people I know who are front liners and leave their homes, their children and the comfort of their safe spaces to travel to work while some are lucky enough to be at home moaning about self isolating.

To the fire brigade, parmedics, nurses, radiographers and carers who treat the sick.  To the porters, the sterilisation units, the cleaning staff, the clerks, the cooks and the aides, because if they didn't go to work the hospitals couldn't remain open.

To the retail staff  and the delivery persons who risk everything and battle every day for long hours to provide us all with the essentials while ignorant dickweeds treat them like crap.

To An Post and the volunteers who have been and continue to be a point of contact for the vulnerable.

To the prison officers, who continue to go into work and care for their inmates, they work long hours and deal with situations that others will never have to.

To the Gardai, who are out doing exactly what they have always done, defending and protecting the community. Responding to calls of scared elderly people, youths disobeying social distancing, and all the other stuff they did before.

To the army who are on standby.

To the people obeying social distancing and following the guidelines set out by the HSE and our Government, who can I say, are playing a blinder during this pandemic.

You probably started this thinking you would have a giggle by the end of it, I'm sorry that you didn't, but for once, I can't find anything funny to describe Covid_19.

The Jollerie New Year – I cant believe its been a year since I didn’t become a better person

What exactly is a New Years Resolution, it’s a to do list for the first week of January.  So, As we are already ten days into 2014andI sit here tits deep in boredom, it struck me that as the new year reals in so does my never ending  aging.  I feel like I’m getting so old I’m going to need the bible to reminisce.  So I want to feel younger…how does one do that? Can one change the habits of a lifetime? I’m not sure.  They are not called habits of a year, or the habits of 2000-2014, a lifetime is a lifetime. 

I feel very hard done by having a new years birthday, how dare my parents be so inconsiderate.  While every other Tom Dick and Mary are out there celebrating the fact that they are giving up the usual things, deciding they are going to go to the gym at least 3 times a week and hugging strangers they barely know whilst signing old Lang sigh , I’m planning my birthday and there is no way I am not drinking, smoking or being a generally debaucherous human until at least mid January.

Instead of giving up the drink or the smokes or even in some cases the food, you (well I) drink, smoke and eat your way into the new year trying to distract yourself from the impending birthday and before you know it, it’s the end of January and too late to give up said drink, smokes and food until next year. 

So I’m making a change, I’ve decided to have my new year like the Chinese, later on in January.  Now the Chinese are celebrating their new year on Friday 31^st January, that’s a little late for my liking, I could end up putting on another stone and becoming a fully fledged alcoholic before then.  Thankfully I’ve given up the smokes, well I have the odd one now and then but I’m not buying them regularly and I’m quite proud of that.

So I’m creating the Jollerie New Year.  This year on the 13^th January I’m starting my own new year.  Now I know 13 is usually an unlucky number but sure I’m pretty unlucky anyway and I’ve failed at every other attempt I’ve made to change my bad habits so I’m going to overlook the unlucky number and take it as a good omen and start afresh.

·         I’m not going to do weight watchers – I’m sick and tired of paying to be told I didn’t stick to my diet plan.

·         I’m not going to promise to go to the gym – I’m a bit of a rebel and hate “having to do things” so its best to just go with the flow and do it when I want to.

·         I’m not going to not drink – I’ll just drink in moderation

·         I’m not going to not eat – I shall eat when I want but try be healthy

·         I’m not going to not smoke – I will smoke if the mood takes me but be sensible

I have four weddings this year so if I cant find a dress I only have myself to blame.  Happy new year peeps

Don't Mess With Electricity!

One fabulous afternoon while visiting my beloved Grandma, accompanied by my little brother and my older cousin we decided to experiment with electricity.

Not a good idea.  In one of the spare bedrooms of my grandmothers home there stood two miniture flouresent reading lights above the bed.  They were long bulbs like the ones below!

So there we were, my cousin and I concocting this atrocious plan to see what would happen if someone stuck their fingers into the sockets if there was no bulb in it.  Would they light up...would their hair stand up...would it be like on Tom and Jerry where someone would be flung to the ceiling...who knew!

So we stood there eyeing the lamp.."you do it" my cousin said to me as she took out the bulb...even at that young age I knew that this was not a good plan so I looked at her and said..."I will not do it" and stomped my feet...I then said "lets get Tom"...

My poor brother was only a baby..well he was about four or five....that would have made me about six or seven...my cousin was a good 3 years older than me so she should have known better..but no, she clearly didn't.

Up the stairs climbed Tom...."Tom, stick your finger in there" I said pointing to one of the holes where the bulb sat..he took his fat little pointer and in it went....nothing happened...."put your other one in there" said my cousin....nothing happened...

Disappointed by the lack of action we were seeing I decided to pull the cord to knock on the light.  I grabbed the cord, tugged it really fast, on off, on off, on off....he didn't even cry...but did look like a deer in the headlights.

Tom and I in and around the time of the incident in question!

Behind me I felt a swift clatter across the back of the head....and heard an almighty scream...."Holy Sweet Mother of Devine Jesus" my granny was behind us...she dragged poor Thomas away from the socket...he wasn't the better of it at all...he was brought to the Doctor...We were told on return that we were lucky we didn't kill him.

I think everyone involved in this story was a bit cabbagy this day....