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Thursday, 1 December 2011

The Consequences of Accidently Setting Your Dress On Fire

For those of you that aren't aware, while on a very lovely trip to the island of Jersey I accidently set my brand new 100% silk dress alight, for those involved it was an incident known now as "the Great Fire of Jersey"...I know, I know,  a little dramatic but with our friends we have had many an accidental fire, there was another AKA "the Great Fire of Ongar" whereby at a little gathering of friends a gas heater blew up setting the whole garden on fire.

This was a little more dramatic than my dress being set on fire as the fire brigade attended the scene of the "Great Fire of Ongar" but unfortunately didn't think my fashion emergency warranted their presence.

Anyway, I was sitting in a very lovely open air restaurant having a very lovely pint with my very wonderful partner and some very special friends...I am having a delicious cigarette (I'm off them four months today) and pretty much enjoying life.  So...I'm sitting there in the sun enjoying my smoke happy as a pig in shit after my fabulous purple purchase when low and behold my partner pipes up with "Joy, you should maybe watch where your tipping your ash...its going to fall into your new dress"...I lean back and said "Skip...stop your flapping" and took a very long and slow drag of my cigarette....

As if God was looking down on me and wanting to punish my ass I flick my smoke over towards a wall (there  was no point in using the ashtray as it was very windy and the previous smokes had flown all over the place....also everyone else was doing it) I watched as the smoke took flight and as if in slow motion flew straight back at me and landed in my very beautifully wrapped purchase.

Now I would say my face was priceless as I jumped from my seat and started stomping all over my package...everyone in the restaurant thought I was crazy....what could I do, I flipped the dress out and there it was a massive hole like a bullet had penitrated its silky exterior...I could have stuck my finger straight through it.

To cut to the chase, I went out and found myself a very beautiful piece of material to mend this dress and brought it to the dress makers...I spent some time choosing this specific piece of material.  I go into the store and have to reiterate my story of the cigarette while other people in need of fabric fixing stood by giggling.. The guy in the front calls out his most talented dress person...or so he told me.

I stand there mortified and explain my stupidity again.....she looks at the dress...."hmmmmm, I not like the coolurrr" was she French.... Lithuanian....I don't know but I was like, I don't give a crap if you don't like the colour can you fix it....."of course I can, but I am not happy with the colour"....Skip stands there with a smile on her face as if to say again "you are a cabbage" and I  look at her with a look that says "go f@?k yourself" (in an endearing way of course) anyway even though the dress maker doesn't like the colour she agrees to fix it....I've to collect it next week.

The moral of the story is, if someone warns you about a possible arson incident, do not take it lightly....Skip I am totally sorry I didn't listen...I was a total cabbage!


  1. ah I was part of that awesome weekend gutted bout the dress but it wouldn't suit me hahah :( spikey xxxxx

  2. Why am I not in the picture??? Special friend me gee!!

  3. @tara... Were you there for the fire?????

  4. @spikey, bar the dress incident it was a good weekend bar the riots in London and the murder inall!