Friday, 2 December 2011
Don't Take Your Washing In When It's Dark!
Not long ago I had various cabbagy moments when I broke my foot while hanging out the washing. Actually I am lying, it was while I was taking in the washing....it was a very dark night and I had totally forgot to take the washing in earlier and fell while doing it...
Cabbagey situation one: I tripped over myself while collecting the washing
Cabbagey situation two: After I wriggled around in pain for a while grabbing said injury I totally started trying to whisper scream to my partner to come rescue me. It was late and I was trying to respect my neighbours.
Cabbagey situation three: The whisper screaming isn't working so I am dragging myself into the house with tears streaming down my face. At this point I resemble that dude out of Misery after Kathy bates hammered his ankles together.
Cabbagey situation four: I'm making my way into the hall when, thank God, Skip eventually hears me pulling myself through the hall. "Did you fall again?" She shouts "Yeah, it wasn't my fault, its very dark" I manage to shout back through the tears.
Cabbagey situation five: I pause for a few moments, one because I am so out of breath from dragging my fat ass through the house and two because I half expected Skip to come and assist me with my disability.....but no, she wasn't coming.
Cabbagey situation six: I make it up the stairs and onto the bed, I start taking photos of said ankle showing Skip all the swolleness of it and 'Flow' my adorable little pet jumps onto the injured leg and I start screaming again.. Skip asks "Do you need to go to the hospital" throwing her eyes up to the heavens...."No" I reply in a huff.
Cabbagey situation seven: I make sleeping an unbearable task for Skip with all the crying and she demands that I go to the hospital.
Cabbagey situation eight: I'm in the hospital and they have x-rays of a previous leg break to comapare..the nurse turns and asks "how did that one happen" mortified i respond with "that happened while doing the Jade Goody work out video" I hang my head in shame....Skip wasn't even there to help with my embarressment as she had to go to work.
Cabbagey situation nine: I'm diagnosed with a fracture of the foot...I'm sent home....my good pal Flangey picks me up to bring me to the shopping centre to collect a prescription. Now for anyone who has been afflicted with the task of enduring crutches, may the lord be with you...they are hell on earth. Your hands swell with the weight of yourself on two sticks, especially if your fond of an owl ice-cream. Your knackered after about ten yards...you start to sweat at about twelve yards...all in all after about fifteen yards Flangey gets me a mechanical wheelchair to travel around the shopping centre in.....mortified but necessary
Cabbagey situation ten: A child about six passes me out while on crutches....again, mortified.
Cabbagey situation eleven: Flangey buys me an ice-cream and I have to reverse out of Game Stop as I haven't got enough room for a three point turn and the wheelchair starts beeping like an articulated truck...again mortified.
Cabbagey situation twelve: We get clamped for parking in a wheelchair spot and have all out war with the clamper......
I could go on and on....but I won't, when Skip came home she was very sympathetic until I showed her the photos of the days events...flangy couldn't help herself the camera was out every five minutes.....then she just called me a Cabbage...
Moral of the story: don't take your washing in at night!!!