This week was possibly the worst I’ve had in years. As my partner and I walked our ‘Flow’ to the rainbow bridge to say our last goodbyes I knew the last thing on my mind was eating healthy. Normally when something bad happens, I will just order in and hibernate. I realised as I walked around the supermarket with tears streaming down my cheeks I was taking this Transformation4Life challenge really seriously.
I avoided the eyes of people who glanced awkwardly at the crying lady walking in circles cradling a dog collar. I’m sure they’re now viewing CCTV preparing it for YouTube calling me Crazy Dog Lady. I wasn’t really even in the mood for food. For two days I sat in my bed crying and imagining I could hear her clicky little paws walking across the floor. A couple of I times I actually got up off the couch to let her in from outside.
I had serious concerns for my mental health. I was a train wreck. I didn’t go to the gym once and I didn’t care. Thankfully when I went and told Karen she explained that I don’t have to go to the gym. She was actually pleased. She explained that weight loss is only partly about exercise and mostly about diet. She stated that if I was to drink one glass of wine and that if I was to go to the gym and burn it off, it would take about an hour on the cross trainer to burn that glass of wine. Then she told me to imagine how long it would take to burn a whole bottle of wine. I imagined drinking the whole bottle of wine, but it did make me think.
Being in mourning gave me a great excuse to sit around doing nothing but feel sorry for myself. I couldn’t take a call and I received lots of facebook messages from friends who all had fond memories of Flow. Now, when you’re in that bad a state Gin is not the best thing to turn to. As I have just about recovered now I can safely say that it’s probably the worst thing to turn to. Once I had a drink I was crying again. I was like Mary Magdalene at the Wailing Wall.
I was a disgrace to strong women everywhere and I knew it. Towards the end of the week I started to feel a little more human and even ventured to the shop. I contemplated putting on makeup but thought better of that, I didn’t need people thinking I was out of mourning too quickly. I contemplated going to the gym but then remembered that Karen had been happy that I didn’t go earlier in the week so I decided it was best to keep her happy.
Then things seemed to get better. I had friends call to tell me they made me a dairy, wheat, gluten, pastry free quiche. It was so nice to have people support you. Then my brother rang and wanted to bring me for coffee. Out came the makeup. Then another pal invited me for dinner, promising that she will make it diet friendly and I realised that while I was away feeling sorry for myself, I was ignoring all these wonderful people were supporting me. Clearly I am not the better of losing Flow and I will always think of her but I have a great support network and that’s a lot to be thankful for.