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Friday, 20 July 2012

Day 3 - Hookers and Ping Pong

I woke up on day 3 in a strop! I was annoyed with myself for bringing shame upon our hotel! I was annoyed with my pal for assuming I would serve time for her, which might I add I would have done... But she could of at least stood up for me!

I stood firm and refused to leave the hotel. Thankfully there was a rooftop pool which served very expensive cocktails! Very expensive! When you can buy a pair of sandals for €3, and not just a crappy pair of flip flops, Birkenstocks no less, one would be very surprised when they give you the bill and you could shoe a whole family for the price of a couple of cocktails!

We lounged about at the pool surrounded by some fantastic looking people! I'm convinced most of the women were wearing makeup, and not just any makeup, it was like they were all ready to see the phantom of the opera .... But semi naked! The guys were all toned and tanned and were also semi naked!

You can always manage to spot the Irish when your abroad, they are the ones that are pasty white wearing GAA shorts and sport a fabulous looking farmers tan from the elbow down...and that's the women!! Only kidding, but seriously, there we were sitting in the sun at a fabulous pool and out struts a couple of our countrymen! They were as obvious as fire is hot!

When an Irish person is abroad they tend to become overly patriotic, we have a tendency to sing really loudly to Irish songs and always find U2 on the duke box and always seek out your own! These Irish were no different!

The couple we met were great fun, the girl was doing Thailand with her boyfriend before he embarked on a year long trip around Australia, the guy was meeting up with all his friends in Bangkok that evening to start their journey!

They invited us along to the club they were meeting the group at! I was delighted, there is nothing better than safety in numbers! And I didn't mind being in a dive if there are others to play with, so at 7pm all dressed up we headed off in a Tuk Tuk to brave Bangkok!

We arrived at a bar that was bustling with excitement! When I walked into it i might have thought I was in any bar in any metropolitan city. I heaved a sigh of relief.....that was until I saw what can only be described as a life sized fish bowl!

There were two women half naked prancing about each other knee deep in water and a mini waterfall effect falling around them... One would grab the others nipple once in a while or maybe maul her ass...perfectly normal that is until After about 10 minutes I realized the water had risen to there chests and there wasn't as much mauling as there was sway dancing.

Five minutes it was up to their chins and the girls were more jumping and flapping about.... I started to pay more attention to them as I was genuinely in fear for their safety!! Their hair was all over the place, their clothes were totally transparent and they were jumping up and grabbing in a breath before sliding themselves up and down the tank with their boobs!

I looked around and observed that very few people looked very bothered by this! Actually some were laughing and cheering!

After another minute they were totally submerged and were literally threading water! There was a brief look of panic until all of a sudden someone must have pulled the stopper because there was a gush and all the water was out in a matter of seconds and the two girls fell landing in a pile on top of each other!

There was a scream of laughter and out those to got and in came another two! Merciful hour I thought to myself! And I thought I had a shite job!

I didn't pay as much attention to the next two but gave them the odd glance every so often just to check they weren't floating at the top or anything and all of a sudden music started to boom out of the speakers....

A woman walks out onto the stage area and there is uproar!!! Everyone is clapping and cheering and the excitement is infectious! The woman is wearing a bra and pants and starts blowing up balloons. If you can picture a woman trying to blow up a balloon and try to be seductive imagine that because I certainly can't describe it. Not without making her sound like a total hooker, and I don't want to be a bitch.

So she starts handing out the balloons and all the boys and girls are cheering and I'm dying to know whats going on! So she slides of her pants and does a bit of a wiggle! Then shows the crowd a whole load of these little metal balls, like pellets!

'awe' I think... 'she's going to throw them at the balloons' but no, she is not... She proceeds to insert all the pellets into her lady garden ... Then squats.... Takes aim... And starts firing! She's like something out of a world war one sniper movie!! BANG ..... BANG ... She pops them balloons like the lid of a Pringles box! Every single one, the crowd goes wild and I find myself up cheering.... That's some talent!

But does she stop there......no she does not! She starts pulling darning needles out of her VAJAJA . One two three four...... She just keeps on going till she reaches fifteen! I'm starting to think that her minge is like Hermione's magic bag in Harry Potter, stuff just keeps coming out of it!

But the peace the resistance was after she popped several ping pong balls and a couple of colored scarves out of her vagina she grabs a beer bottle and pops the lid off.......with her flaps..... No I hear you say, but I swear as god is my witness she opened a bottle with her flaps!

Needless to say we decided to buy her a beer for her troubles and chat about her training! After a couple of beers we decided to try rescue her! We bought her for €20 for the night and brought her out for Dinner and some drinks! We were in the process of explaining that we were going to rescue her and she seemed up for it until we went to the toilet and in our return she had run off !! We returned to the bar to find her back up on stage blowing flames from her vagina!! We just shook our heads and said...,,what a woman!

That night we fell into bed reeking of bonfire and beer! It was the a fun but eyeopening night !!!!

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